


To him I just can't be true...

by LGBTFANGIRL



Category: clexa - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Badass Lexa, Cheating, Eventual Smut, F/F, Fine Stud Lexa, Protective Lexa, Secret Relationship, Some other character will show up, THIS IS NOT A BELLARKE FIC I PROMISE, There is cheating in this fic, clexa au, please keep scrolling, so if that's not your cup of tea
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-22
Updated: 2016-11-24
Packaged: 2018-08-10 08:41:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 20,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7838083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LGBTFANGIRL/pseuds/LGBTFANGIRL
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><br/>Clarke sighed. She knew this was wrong. To be getting ready to go on a date with someone else when she was in a relationship. Clarke knew it was wrong, but she couldn't help it. She couldn't stay true to Bellamy. Its been 8 months since she started fucking around with Lexa, and he's known for 5. It was the giant elephant in the room every day. The topic that was always avoided. Unspoken. "I don't know, I'm just gonna go have a few drinks with the girls" </p><p>Or the one were Clarke has been fooling around with Lexa for months behind Bellamy's back and he finally confronts her about it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. He knows I'm Unfaithful

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is what happens when I listen to Rihanna and get the idea for a new Clexa fic. Sorry for any mistakes!

Clarke was finishing the last touches on her make up, making sure she looked perfect. She had to look perfect for her. She was so focused on her make-up that she didn't hear when someone was approaching the bedroom door. It wasn't until she looked up in the mirror again and saw Bellamy leaning in the doorway. His head hung and eyes to the floor. "How long you gonna be gone" he asked. His voice low and almost cracking.

Clarke sighed. She knew this was wrong. To be getting ready to go on a date with someone else when she was in a relationship. Clarke knew it was wrong, but she couldn't help it. She couldn't stay true to Bellamy. Its been 8 months since she started fucking around with Lexa, and he's known for 5. It was the giant elephant in the room every day. The topic that was always avoided. Unspoken. "I don't know, I'm just gonna go have a few drinks with the girls"

It was a lie. She knew it. He knew it. There was no point in even telling the truth anymore.

Bellamy cleared his throat and looked at Clarke through the mirror the same way she had done to him. "Who's all going"? He didn't know why he asked or why he tried to sound like he wasn't hurting. He knew who she was going with. He knew who she'd be spending all night with. He knew what she was doing. So why didn't he leave? Why didn't he pack his shit 5 months ago when he found out his girlfriend was cheating on him with another women.

He wasn't sure. He hoped it was just something Clarke needed to get out of her system. Hoping it was "just a phase". Maybe she needs something exciting he thought. That was his first mistake thinking Clarke's sexuality was a "phase". But being the good boyfriend he was he gave her that space and excitement she was craving. Until he realized that they were no longer having sex, no longer kissing, no longer hugging, no longer saying I love you. They no longer did those things because she was getting doing those things with someone else. She was falling for someone else.

Bellamy continued to stare at Clarke waiting for an answer. Or more so waiting for the next lie. "Just me, Echo, Raven, Luna, and Anya" Clarke said with a tight lipped smile.

Bellamy nodded. He didn't want to say what was going through his mind. The one name Clarke purposely left out. So he did what he never has before and filled in that name that Clarke likes to always leave out.

"If Anya and Luna are going, does that mean _Lexa_ will be there to"? He spoke with some bite to his words. Lexa's name always came out a little harsh lately. Who could blame him? This girl was sleeping with his girlfriend and knew Clarke was in a relationship. He was aloud to be pissed.

Clarke let out a frustrated sigh hoping she wouldn't have to answer his question but knew she had to. "Yeah...maybe...I guess she will be" Clarke trailed off.

Bellamy just continued to stare at her. Hearing the words they both knew was a lie. "You guess"? He slightly snapped.

Clarke stopped applying her mascara and huffed. She put the brush back in the tub and close the cap. She applied some lipstick after, purposely taking her time and not immediately answering his question. Once she finished her make up she closed her lipstick and set it down. Still making sure everything looked good.

Bellamy became impatient when he didn't receive an answer from Clarke. He was annoyed that she was still focused on how she looked rather than answer his question. She was to damn busy looking good for Lexa.

He decided to ask her again. "Clarke. Did you hear me?"

Clarke ran a hand through her hands and patted down the little hairs that kept popping up. Still ignoring Bellamy who was only getting angrier.

"Damn it Clarke answer my god damn question!" He snapped loudly.

Clarke slammed her hands on the dresser causing her make up to roll and fall to the floor from the impact. Clarke whipped around. "YES SHES GONNA BE THERE BELLAMY IS THAT WHAT YOU WANNA HEAR FROM ME?" She yelled.

Bellamy stood up straighter walking further into the room ready to argue. "No Clarke, no that's NOT what I wanna hear you know what I wanna hear"?! He yelled back and looked at her straight in the eye.

Clarke was pissed now and she was gonna be late. "WHAT BELLAMY WHAT DO YOU WANT TO HEAR FROM ME HUH"?! She crossed her arms and stood her ground.

Bellamy stalked up to her standing right in front of her looking her in the eyes. "I want to hear you tell me the god damn truth for once! I want you to be honest with me and tell me what you and I both know"! He screamed. The emotion in his voice took over and the last few words were croaked out. "Tell me who you're really going to see tonight". He couldn't stop the tears now as they fell from his face. The truth of the past couple months was becoming all to real for him. He could no longer pretend he didn't know about her and Lexa. He couldn't pretended to be blind to it all.

Clarke just stared at him with wide eyes. She knew she'd have to admit the truth eventually. She just didn't think he'd bring it up right now, as she was about to leave and go out with Lexa. "I-I don't know what to say..." She stuttered. She took a step back and leaned against the dresser needing some room and air.

Bellamy allowed her space and stepped back as well. He sat down on their bed that Clarke rarely slept in anymore. He took a deep breathe and looked at the floor before saying his next words. "You've been spending a lot of time with Lexa...maybe a little too much". He struggled with the words not really knowing why he was beating around the bush so much.

He took another breathe and looked up at her. "Look at me please" he begged. He needed her to look at him while he was about to say his next words. He cleared his throat when he saw her blue eyes look at him. "I know about her, I know about you and Lexa". He breathed out.

Clarke gasped when she heard the start of his words. How the hell did he even find out? She was preparing for this. For him to finally confront her. To hear those words or something similar. But the heavy feeling of guilt that she pushed away finally came up. She felt it in her stomach. She was guilty. Still it didn't compare to the overwhelming feeling of love she got when she was with Lexa. Just thinking about the older girl made the guilty feeling get pushed down and surround herself with only Lexa's love. But the guilt had to be felt at some point.

All Clarke did was open and close her mouth trying to figure out what to say. "I-we...it's not like that...". She whispered desperately.

This caused Bellamy to snap again.

"Oh really! It's not like that?! You really expect me to believe you haven't been banging her from the moment you met her!" He shouted out and rose up pacing around the room.

Clarke leaned off the dresser and stood up straight. "No it wasn't like that at first"! She cried.

"Oh not at first?! Then what was it like please tell me! When you introduced me to her at Lincoln's party I saw the way you looked at her! And the way she looked at you was no better! Im not stupid Clarke!"

"We weren't sleeping together then we hadn't done anything we were just barely getting to know each other". Clarke hoped he'd believe her.

Bellamy let out a harsh laugh at Clarke's words. "Oh yeah you got to know each other really good huh Clarke". Bellamy retaliated.

Clarke could see the pain and anger in his eyes. It hurt her because she cares about him. She knew she couldn't carry on hurting him like this. "Bellamy I'm sorry". She sighed.

"For what!"

Clarke sighed again. She wished she was anywhere but here. She wished she was with Lexa.

"Bell...I'm truly sorry for dragging you along. I shouldn't have kept you in this while I was with her. I should have just let you g-  
  
"Don't. Don't finish that sentence Clarke". He begged at this point. Not wanting to hear that Clarke should have let him go earlier. He didn't want to hear that.

"Bellamy I have to say it, let me tell you the truth". Clarke pleaded. He shook his head but she still continued.

"I didn't mean for it to happen. Neither of us did, but she kissed me". Bellamy shook his head more and clenched his fist together wanting nothing more than to tell Lexa off for touching what was technically his.

Noticing his clenched fist Clarke pleaded with him again. "It's not her fault she didn't know I had a boyfriend" Bellamy scoffed at hearing Clarke say that it wasn't Lexa's fault. Regardless if she didn't know at first she still went ahead later on and slept with Clarke knowing she was in a relationship.

"Doesn't matter Clarke she still sleep with you after the fact! You told her and you guys still slept together!"

Clarke huffed and tried to think of a way to calm him down, but knowing there was no calming him down. Not in a situation like this.

"Look it just happened Bellamy we didn't plan on it. After I told her about you she respected that and said she was ok with being friends. I'm the..." She trailed off and took a deep breathe preparing herself with what she was about to say. "I'm the one who made the next move. I kissed her a few weeks later and we ended up having sex that night" Bellamy shook his head harder and put his hand out to silence Clarke.

"I don't want to hear this Clarke! I can't believe you're the one who went after her!" His heart was breaking more and more and the words he heard. Knowing Clarke was the one who sought out Lexa after the fact that Lexa stepped back from Clarke knowing she had a boyfriend.

He walked over to the bedroom window and opened it up needing some fresh air. He placed his hands on the window seal and sighed. Trying to collect his thought and emotions. However his little moment didn't last for long as he heard Clarke's phone go off. He didn't need to turn around to know who it was.

Clarke turned her head to look down at her phone on the dresser. She mentally sighed in relief at seeing the name flash on her screen. It was a message from Lexa.

 **Lexa** : _Hey beautiful I'm running a little late but I'm on my way now. Can't wait to see you_ ;)  
  
She didn't reply back figuring she'd tell Lexa when she picked her up. She needed to talk to Lexa about this, what they both wanted. Clarke was brought out of her thoughts by Bellamy's harsh voice.

"That's her isn't it"

"Yes" she spoke slowly.

"She's coming to get you isn't she" His voice harsh and with a bite to it.

"Yes, she is"

He pushed himself off the window seal and turned around.

"Good now I can finally confront her" he nodded his head in determination. Already thinking of how and what he was gonna say to the women who stole his girlfriend.

Clarke let out an frustrated sigh. "No, don't cause a scene right now for all our neighbors to hear". Clarke really didn't want him to go outside and start yelling at Lexa.

Bellamy was getting more and more angry with Clarke's every word. "And why the hell not huh?! I don't give a shit what the neighbors think! I'm gonna go and tell that bitch off!" He shouted.

That's what made Clarke snap. That's what finally got to her. She handle him attacking her, but she'd be damned if he spoke bad out Lexa.  
"Don't you dare call her that ever again!" She was now standing in front of him face to face.  
"You wanna call me names? Go right a damn head! But don't call her names Bellamy!" Clarke was pissed. Lexa was not a bitch. She may come off like to others, but never to Clarke. She was sweet and nice to Clarke the moment they met. She'd never met someone she liked who treated which so much respect.

Clarke huffed still pissed at what he said. "She is so far from being a bitch. Everyone thinks she is but she's not! She's a person she has feelings and heart that is so beautiful and loving! If anyone's the bitch it's me! I'm the one who started this! I'm the one who went after her! Im the one who dragged her into this. I'm the one who should have known better but I couldn't help it Bellamy! I couldn't stay away from her! No matter how hard I tried I just couldn't! She was inevitable!" Clarke let out in one breath.

When Bellamy heard Clarke's words realization came on his face. He really hoped this was all just sex to them. He hoped it wasn't anything more. But ultimately he knew deep down that the reason Clarke was no longer telling him she loved him anymore was because she was falling in love with Lexa. She was pushing him away and running into Lexa's arms instead. _She loved her._

He just continued to stare at her. Anger no longer in his eyes. Pain and sadness now took over. Bellamy let his head hang down. All that was running through his mind was the same thought. I've lost her. He lost Clarke. He swore he'd never let her slip away. He swore he'd never let himself lose her. He'd do everything in his power to make sure he never lost his girlfriend. Yet here they were, standing in front of each other not knowing what to say. What could he say? She's in love with her and he knows he's lost her for good even if they haven't broken up yet.

They were both pulled out of their thoughts when they heard the loud roar of an engine pull into the parking lot below their shared apartment. He sighed. He knew that was Lexa pulling up on her "white horse" ready to sweep his princess off her feet yet again.

He couldn't blame Clarke. Lexa was a beautiful women. A tattooed green eyed women who rode motor cycles and fast cars. He saw how Clarke looked at Lexa. He was stupid to think it was nothing when he damn well knew it was a red flag.

As the tension grew thicker Clarke's phone went off again signally that someone was trying to call her. Clarke walked over to the dresser picking up her phone and pressing the accept button. "Hello?....hey Lex....alright I'll be right down...ok bye" she hung up and let out a sigh. Not really knowing what to say to him. "I've gotta go Bellamy...I need to get away for the night". She grabbed her purse and picked up her make up off the floor. She looked at herself in the mirror once mirror checking to make sure everything was in place.

Deciding she looked presentable enough for Lexa, she turned around and looked at Bellamy who was now sitting on the edge of the bed staring at the floor with tears in his eyes. Clarke let out a sigh. "I'm sorry it ended up like this Bell". With that Clarke walked out the bedroom and out of the apartment. Leaving him alone.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! First of all thank you guys! People actually like this story which is pretty damn cool. You guys definitely got me motivated to get this chapter out to you. This chapter took a few hours to write and then edit because there were things I cut out. 
> 
> Also I know you guys want to see more Lexa and less Bellamy. I have to say he does have a part in here but it's small compared to the rest of the chapter. Anywhosies here's chapter 2!

Once Clarke left the apartment she padded down the stairs not wanting to wait for the elevator. She needed to see Lexa right now. Once she walked out the apartment buildings double doors she spotted the brunette in the parking lot leaning against her bike with her hands in her pockets. Her green eyes sparkled and she had a beautiful smile on her face.

Clarke's sure she never ran so fast in her life. She ran to Lexa and jumped on the older girl while wrapping her arms around her neck and her legs around her waist.

Luckily Lexa was prepared and caught Clarke wrapping her arms around her lower back. Lexa rested her head on Clarke's shoulder. "Hi beautiful" she whispered sweetly in Clarke's ear. "Not that I'm not happy by your greeting, but you seemed a little stressed when you walked out the building. "Everything ok"? Lexa felt Clarke exhale in her neck and knew something was wrong with the younger girl. She pulled away from the hug slightly still loosely hanging onto Clarke's waist. Lexa looked in her eyes and frowned. "What's wrong baby girl"?

Clarke dropped her legs from around Lexa's waist and stood up. She had her arms loosely wrapped around Lexa's neck needing the connection still. She let out another sigh before speaking. "He knows" she stated simply.

Lexa's eyes widened. She wasn't sure she heard right. Did Clarke just say that Bellamy knew about them?! She didn't know how to respond. She blinked a few time before she let out a deep breath. "How did...how'd he find out? I mean...when did he tell you? Did he tell you? Did you tell him? What did he say?!" Lexa's questions came out jumbled thanks to her confusion. She didn't know what to say or think.

Clarke put her hands on Lexa's face making her look her in the eyes. Once green met blue it calmed them both. "Hey hey it's okay, you're okay". Clarke whispered to her. Lexa nodded and put her hands on her head leaning back on her bike for support. The action caused Clarke to lean into Lexa's muscular body with her head on her chest and arms around her waist. Lexa reciprocated and hugged Clarke back leaning her head on top of Clarke's.

After a few minutes of just staying like that Clarke realized they were still in the parking lot. "Lex, I know we're suppose to go out but can we maybe just go somewhere quiet to talk?" Clarke asked as she looked up into those green eyes she loved so much.

Lexa looked down and caught the blondes stare. She kissed the top of her head before she spoke. "Of course we can, I know just the place". With that she let go of Clarke and climbed on her motor cycle. She held out her hand for Clarke to take and helped her on the back. Lexa leaned back and pressed a kiss to Clarke's lips feeling the blonde reciprocate. Once they pulled away she grabbed her helmet along with Clarke's and they both put it on.

She flipped up the visor and looked back at Clarke. "You ready"? Clarke nodded and wrapped her arms tightly around Lexa's waist with her head on her shoulder. Lexa turned back around flipped down the visor and started the engine. She kicked up the kick stand and slowly back out the parking spot and sped down the street to the highway.

What neither girl knew was that Bellamy was looking at them from the bedroom window in the apartment. He saw their whole encounter. What they were really like together when no one else was around. It made him sick. He hated seeing Lexa's hands all over Clarke. Riding up on that motor cycle ready to take what was hers. Kissing Clarke like she belonged to her! Clarke wasn't her's! She's suppose to be his!

But then he saw the way they held each other. They way they looked into each others eyes as if nobody else on the planet existed. The way Lexa handled Clarke so gently and kissed her.

It hurt to say the least. It hurt seeing that with just one look Lexa drew Clarke in. As much as he didn't want to admit it he knew Lexa cared about Clarke. Maybe he even saw what looked like love between the two girls. He didn't want to admit that Lexa Woods may actually have a heart, cause that would mean she loved Clarke back. And if she did then he was screwed.

Lexa's brother Lincoln always told Bellamy how Lexa wasn't a bad person, she's just been through a lot in her life and didn't trust easy. Bellamy knew Clarke probably did everything in her power to figure Lexa out. To crack her open and break down her walls. And somewhere along the line she fell in love with what she found. He didn't know if he should hate Lexa more or blame himself for being so foolish. For letting Clarke slip right through his hands and land in Lexa's arms.

What the fuck is it about Lexa that made Clarke chase after her? Was it the tattoos? The brown hair? The green eyes? The bike? The mysterious attitude? What did she have that he didn't? Was it his penis? Was he not satisfying her enough? All these questions were going through his mind while he watched the girl he loved wrap her arms around someone that wasn't him. And he watched her get on the back of Lexa's bike and drive away.

It crossed his mind to follow them. But he had no idea where they were going and he didn't know where Lexa lived. Those were the same old excuses he'd been using for months. But like all the other times he let her go. He let her go with Lexa to God knows where and do God knows what. He gave her the space she wanted. Every. Single. Time.

He decided he needed to not be in this room. He walked into the living room and sat down on the chair. He stared out the window while sitting in the dark and let the tears fall. That's what he did while he waited for Clarke. Replaying their conversation over and over and over again in his head.

\-----------------------------------------------

Lexa rode down the highway for some time until she pulled off an exit and rode down a winding road in the hills.

"Lex?" She heard Clarke ask.

Lexa slowed down significantly since no one was on the road. Using one hand to steer Lexa took off her helmet and set it on her lap. They weren't going very fast and Lexa always had control of the bike.

"What's wrong Clarke?" Lexa asked in concern.

Clarke followed Lexa's lead and took off her helmet as well. "Nothing I was just wondering where we were going. This is a really expensive neighborhood. I've never been this far".

Lexa chucked at that and nodded. "Yeah it is. We're almost there". Lexa rode farther up the hill. The higher they went the more you could see the beautiful city lights below.

Clarke was in awe. She'd never been this far up in the hills. Her mom Abby lived much closer to the city, more importantly the hospital. She was a doctor so she wanted to be close to the hospital. She lived right off this long road that lead up into her neighborhood. The farther up the road you went the deeper into the hills you got. Which also meant the houses got bigger as well.

Clarke never actually went that far up never needing to since her mom basically lived in the regular part of the city anyway. Even though her neighborhood was considered wealthy.

Clarke held onto Lexa tightly and laid her head on her shoulder as she was looking at the beautiful city lights. How romantic this is. She thought.

Soon after Clarke's thoughts were cut short as they were coming to the top of the hill. As they drove up and through the neighborhood a beautiful park suddenly came into view that over looked the whole city. There was a small lake in the middle with a huge playground off to the side. Next to the park was a long hill that had a cement slide running down it. There was nothing but bright green grass around the whole scenery.

Lexa parked her motor cycle in the parking lot and quickly got off helping Clarke as well. She took Clarke's hand in hers and started walking down a little trail off to the left that led around the park. "So...what do you think?" She asked nervously. She never brought anyone here or told anyone about it.

Clarke was in awe. This whole place was beautiful. The night skyline and city lights took her breathe away as they stood on the edge of the winding trail.

"This is beautiful Lexa. I didn't even know this park existed". Clarke spoke still a little speechless. "I didn't realize how beautiful the city looks from way up here. When your walking around in it everyday it doesn't seem so beautiful, but from up here...". She trailed off.

Lexa smiled at Clarke's words and reaction. She loved this place it was her get away spot. She found it when she was a teenager and was driving around aimlessly. Since then she came here to just get away. It was the one place she could think.

"I'm glad you like it. I found this park in high school one night when I was upset about something and stayed here all night thinking. Ever since then I like to come here and just clear my head. Get away from the craziness when I need to". Clarke knew by the way Lexa talked about it that it was a special place for her.

"Thank you for showing me. This is such a beautiful place". Clarke continued to look out at the beautiful lights of the city below them.

Lexa smiled more. "Beautiful place for a beautiful girl". Lexa winked at her.

Clarke's blushed at that and shoved Lexa. "Shut up. You probably took all the girls here". She teased.

Lexa shoved her hands in her pockets and let out a laugh. "Nope, just you beautiful". She smirked.

Clarke looked at Lexa and squinted her eyes. "Are you trying to sweet talk me just so you can get me in bed Woods"? Clarke teased lightly.

Lexa let out a laugh at that much to Clarke's enjoyment. "I don't need to sweet talk you to get you into my bed Clarke" Lexa teased back.

Clarke gasped and shoved Lexa again pretending to be offended. "Are you saying I'm easy Woods"?

"No I'm saying I'm irresistible" Lexa stated confidently. Clarke rolled her eyes pretending to be annoyed even though what Lexa said was true.

Lexa noticed Clarke was distracted looking out at the city lights. She looked beautiful admiring the city. Lexa had never seen someone look so damn stunning before. She needed to capture the moment. She took out her phone and turned it on silent then snapped a picture of Clarke. The blonde didn't even notice, too focused on the view in front of her.

When Lexa was about to put her phone away she got an idea. She was standing on a beautiful cliff looking at a beautiful city with a beyond beautiful girl. What does one do in this situation to make it even better? Play music and slow dance in the moonlight! Well maybe some people wouldn't go that far but Lexa was extra. She wasn't above making big romantic gestures. She was never good with words, so she always expressed how she felt through actions.

She immediately went to her playlist and picked one of her favorite songs. Lexa turned the volume back on and pressed play. The beginning chords of Give Me Love by Ed Sheeran began to play as she slipped her phone into her pocket with the speaker right side up.

As Clarke heard the first notes to one of her favorite sounds she turned around to see Lexa bent over with her hand out. "May I have this dance Ms. Griffin?" Lexa said her voice laced with nothing but affection. Clarke blushed and smiled so brightly as her heart flipped in her chest as she nodded and took Lexa's hand.

Lexa stood up and brought Clarke's body into hers. She wrapped her arms around Clarke's waist while the blonde wrapped her arms around Lexa's neck. They swayed back and forth to the rhythm of the song.

Neither said anything and they swayed and listened to the words of the song. Lexa thought about how lucky she was to be holding Clarke in her arms right now. If someone told her a year ago that she would be falling in love with a stubborn beautiful girl, she would have laughed. Lexa didn't do relationships. Not since Costia.

For a long time Lexa jumped from girl to girl. Never keeping the same one for to long. She didn't allow herself to feel the emotional attachment. Until she met Clarke. It was kind of inevitable. Clarke was inevitable.

Lexa fell in love with Costia when she was younger. She believed in love and everything that came with it. It wasn't until she lost Costia that Lexa shut down her heart. Love is weakness. Those were the words she lived by. Lately though, a certain blonde has her rethinking those words.

Lexa didn't realize how strong and fast this feeling came over her. It scared Lexa that she was feeling such strong feelings for Clarke. Lexa didn't even tell Costia she loved her till they were dating for a whole year. And yet here Lexa was already falling for Clarke. Which was a problem since she was with Bellamy.

Lexa didn't care though. She was falling hard for the younger girl. It was a dangerous game they were playing. But neither could give up...whatever this was. Especially when they were holding each other like this. With Clarke's head laying on her chest and Lexa's head resting on top of Clarke's.

Once the song ended it was silent. Clarke lifted up her head and looked into Lexa's green eyes before she pushed her lips onto Lexa's. Lexa  
kissed back with passion until Clarke broke it. "Thank you, that was the most romantic thing anyone's ever done for me". Clarke smiled brightly.

Lexa's eyes lifted in shock. "Really? No slow danced with you before"? Clarke shook her head. Lexa thought is was shocking that no one had ever slowed danced with Clarke in a beautiful back ground. What the hell does Bellamy do for her? She was glad though that she was the first person to do this.

"Well I'm glad I beat everyone to it". Clarke smiled at that. While staring at Clarke's beautiful smile Lexa realized that they came here to talk. "Hey, we haven't talked about...what we're suppose to talk about.

Clarke frowned at that and rolled her eyes. Not at Lexa but more at the thought of bringing up what happened only about an hour ago with Bellamy. She let go of Lexa and stepped back. Both girls immediately missing the contact. Lexa looked at Clarke expectantly.

Clarke sighed and leaned her head on Lexa's shoulder. "Can we go back to your place first? It's getting cold out here". Clarke snuggled further into Lexa's chest to warm up. Lexa nodded and then took off her leather jacket and wrapped it around Clarke.

The two walked back to Lexa's bike and got on. Before she started up the engine she had an idea. Her apartment was about 30 minutes away since it would take 20 just to get back to the city and another 10 to get to her apartment. Her parents just so happened to live right down the street from the park. She knew they weren't home for the weekend which meant her little brother Aden was there by himself. She took out her phone and texted her little brother asking if he could stay with a friend tonight.

 **Lexa** : _Hey kid, are you home alone tonight?_

 **Aden** : _Yeah. Why?_

 **Lexa** : _Is there any chance you can stay with a friend tonight? I have a girl with me and I'm in the neighborhood..._

Aden sent back an emoji rolling his eyes.

 **Aden** : _ok fine but ur driving me there!_

 **Lexa** : _Thank you_

Lexa put her phone in her pocket after receiving a "yeah yeah whatever" from Aden.

"Lex, everything ok?" Clarke question wondering why they were sitting in the cold and not moving.

Lexa turned to face her and nodded. "Yeah everything's fine. But uh, my parents actually live a few blocks away from here and they won't be home till Monday. Do you maybe wanna save us a trip back to the city and just stay there?" Clarke furrowed her brows. Lexa's parents live here? In this neighborhood? She didn't expect that. She knew Lexa had money but that was because she had a good job and was able to afford a nice place. She didn't know the girl actually came from a wealthy family.

"Sure, it's getting cold anyway". Clarke said nonchalantly but still shocked to learn that her family lived here. Lexa smiled and nodded. "Alright hang on tight". She started up the bike and went down a different road then when they came. They drove for few blocks before Lexa made a right and then a left turn driving down the street. She stopped in front of a large black and grey modern house. Clarke's jaw dropped.  
"Lexa...your rich". She said in awe of the large house.

Lexa laughed as she pulled into the driveway. "No my parents are rich". She shut off the engine and climbed off the bike and helped Clarke off as well.

Clarke grabbed her purse and got off the bike with Lexa's help. "Same thing. Your parents have money and you're their daughter which means you have money to. You and Lincoln". Clarke stated matter of factly.

Lexa laughed again. "Clarke, me and Lincoln are adults now, we make our own money. The only person who still lives off my parents money is our brother Aden". Lexa said with an amused smile.

Clarke was thrown into shock again. Lexa had another brother? She thought it was just her and Lincoln. "You have another sibling? Since when?!" Lexa kept laughing at Clarke's shocked expression.

"For about 12 years now. He's our little brother. He's 12". Clarke was shocked. Lexa had a 12 year old little brother?

"How come I've never heard of him? Or seen him before?"

Lexa chuckled. "He lives with my parents that's why. And when we all go out together with the group we go to the clubs and drink. Something a 12 year old can't do. I guess me and Lincoln just never brought it up. We see him at least once a week. Our parents work a lot so me and Linc take turns making sure Aden's ok here by himself throughout the week".Lexa pulled out her keys and walked toward the front door motioning Clarke to follow her.

Clarke took in Lexa's words and nodded. She followed the brunette up to the house. She was a little nervous. Lincoln was the only family member Clarke's ever met of Lexa's, and here she was about to meet her kid brother. "Does he know I'm here? Does he know about us? About our situation? Does he hate me? I should have dressed more appropriate" Clarke rambled on fiddling with her fingers nervously.

Lexa grabbed onto Clarke's shoulders making the blonde stop and look at her. "Hey calm down. He knows I'm bringing a girl over and no he doesn't know about our situation. He thinks your just a girl I'm seeing" Lexa stated matter of factly.

"Yeah who also happens to be dating someone else the same time I'm fooling around with you!" Clarke said frantically. Lexa rolled her and almost blurted out a laugh.

"That's beside the point Clarke. He doesn't know and he doesn't need to know. Trust me he likes everyone so I know he'll like you" Lexa flashed her charming smile making the blonde relax. "Also I have to drop him off at his friends once he's ready so, you can just hang here till I get back? It's only right down the street". Clarke nodded and responded with a "that's fine". Lexa nodded and turned to open the door again.

Once the door was open she grabbed Clarke's hand and led her inside. The blonde looked around the big house in amazement. "Wow..I thought the outside was big" Lexa smiled and shrugged. "How long has your parents lived here"? Clarke was curious since the house looked so new.

"About my whole life, I grew up in this house". Clarke was shocked again to hear that Lexa grew up in this house. She wasn't sure what she expected but she didn't know Lexa came from a wealthy family.

Clarke walked further into the house with Lexa. "So...you took me to your child hood home?" Clarke teased. Lexa laughed at that and nodded.

Lexa walked around the downstairs part of the house looking for her little brother. She figured he was in his room still getting ready.

"ADEN! COME DOWN STAIRS" she yelled and threw her keys on the kitchen counter. She unbuttoned her cuffs on her button up shirt and rolled up sleeves revealing her tattoos. Clarke watched and bit her lip, she had to hold back from jumping the brunette. Lexa looked up and smirked noticing the flustered blonde biting her lip and staring at her. "Like what you see Griffin?" Lexa teased.

Clarke cleared her throat and licked her lips. "Maybe I do. What are you gonna do about it Woods?" Clarke challenged. Lexa smirked more and grabbed the blonde by the hips pulling her flush against her chest. Lexa cupped Clarke's cheek and pulled her in for a heated kiss. Clarke eagerly kissed back.

Not long after the two were interrupted by someone clearing their throat. They quickly pulled apart and were met with a young boy with dirty blonde hair. That must be Aden. Clarke thought. She quickly pulled herself away from the older brunette and fixed herself. She was a little embarrassed to be caught kissing Lexa by her little brother. "Hey kid" Lexa walked toward the young boy and held out her arms. Aden quickly jumped into them and wrapped his arms around Lexa's neck. "I missed you Lex" the boy beamed. Lexa smiled and held the boy closer. "I missed you to Aden".

Clarke's heart soared at this. She'd never seen Lexa interact with any kids before. She seemed like she was a great big sister and the younger sibling obviously cared deeply for his older sister. Once Lexa put him down Aden noticed the blonde behind his sister. "Hi I'm Aden! Are you Lexa's newest lady friend?" Lexa rolled her eyes and smacked the back of his head. "Your name was a enough information thank you Aden". Aden just smiled more and held out his hand to Clarke.

Clarke accepted it and smiled at the boy. "I'm Clarke, and yes I'm Lexa's lady friend". Once Aden got confirmation of who the girl was he dropped his smile and squinted his eyes. He stepped back from Clarke and walked around her slowly. This was his sisters new girlfriend? She was pretty he'll give her that, but he still wanted to make sure this girl was good enough for his sister. Clarke got nervous by the second as Aden continued to size her up. She looked at Lexa who just rolled her eyes and shook her head at her little brothers antics.

Aden stopped and stood in front of Clarke. He put his hand on his chin and continued to stare at Clarke deep in thought. "You like my sister?" he questioned. Clarke nodded her head and replied with a firm "yes, very much". Aden looked to Lexa and then back to Clarke. His sister clearly annoyed. "My sister is very important to me Clarke. Her and my big brother Lincoln are my parents when my mom and dad aren't around. I need to know you're not gonna take my sister away and never let me see her" Aden spoke in a very serious tone.

Clarke smiled at Aden's clear love for his sister. She knew this was him making sure she didn't steal Lexa from him. Clarke took a step toward him so they almost were face to face. Clarke looked him straight in the eye making sure he understood her words. "Aden your a very special kid. I've never met any 12 year old boy that loves his sister they way you do. I know Lexa's special to you and I know that you need her and Lincoln. I promise you, I have no intention of taking Lexa away from you. No matter what she's your sister first before anything else. She has a job to be there for you and I will always make sure that I don't hold her back from that. Okay?"

Clarke was careful with her words and made sure she said what she had to say so he would understand. She knows in his 12 year old mind he thought he was losing Lexa to someone else. But that wasn't the case since Clarke and Lexa hadn't even talked about what they were yet.

The answer seemed to satisfy the 12 year old and he smiled and wrapped Clarke in a hug. "I like you! You picked a good one Lex!" He called to Lexa. The brunette rolled her eyes and ushered the boy upstairs to hurry up and get his stuff ready so they could go. The boy hurriedly ran upstairs obeying his sister.

Lexa turned toward Clarke to face her and shook her head. "Sorry about him, he's a little protective of me and Lincoln. Which is kinda odd since we're the older siblings and he's the little brother. You'd think we'd be the interrogators" Clarke laughed at that. "He's only 12 give him a few years when he's interested in girls". Lexa put her hand on her head faking agony. "Ugh don't remind me. I'm trying to keep him as young as possible". Clarke laughed and hugged the older girl.

Lexa held Clarke for a few more seconds but eventually let go and led Clarke upstairs. "Come on, I want to show you my old room"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it! I promise the talk will happen in the next chapter. I will try my best to get chapter 3 out by the end of the week but no promises! I start college next Monday so hopefully I can get shit moving. Let me know what you think :)


	3. I don't want to do this anymore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa finally talk about their relationship and what they are to each other. And we learn more about Lexa's past and someone from it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok guys I'm really sorry for not updating in like three weeks. College is kicking my ass, I have 2 back to back projects and then some family stuff came up. Bare with me the next couple weeks please.

As Lexa led Clarke up the stairs and down the long hallway Clarke stopped her as she noticed the family pictures on the wall. Baby pictures of Lexa, Lincoln and Aden hung around the walls. "Oh my god! Is that a baby Lexa I see?" Clarke giggled. Lexa rolled her eyes and groaned. "Look at that curly brown hair! Lexa you were so cute!" Clarke gushed.

Lexa rolled her eyes again and groaned. "Claaaarrrke. Those pictures are so embarrassing! Can we please- "oh my god look at you and Lincoln in the bath together! Clarke interrupted. Lexa pouted and hid her face in embarrassment. "Awwww look at the Ice Cream all over your face! How old were you in this picture?" Lexa leaned her hand on the wall next to the picture frame and looked at the picture more closely.

"Mmmmm seven? I think"

"And you didn't learn how to eat ice cream without getting it all over yourself?" Clarke teased.

Lexa lightly pushed the blonde playfully. "Who are these other kids next to you in this picture?" Lexa looked at the one Clarke was talking about. It was her at a birthday party with a plate of cake crumbs in front of her and a fork in hand. Lexa looked at the boy and girl on either side of her. "My cousins on my dads side, Tris and Nyko". Clarke nodded and traced her hand over the picture of Lexa. "You know your jawline was sharp even when you were a kid" Clarke said in slight amazement.

Lexa smirked and then let out a laugh. "I mean I guess, only you would notice that though". Lexa teased. Clarke laughed and shook her head. "No I'm pretty sure everyone has noticed your jawline" Clarke gently grabbed Lexa's face and ran her fingertips over her jaw. "So damn sexy" Clarke whispered out rather seductively.

Lexa gulped and stared into blue eyes that had lust in them. "You, are going to be the death of me Ms.Griffin" Lexa whispered hotly against the blondes mouth.

Clarke closed the small space between their lips and caressed Lexa's face deepening the kiss. Lexa moaned in Clarke's mouth and ran her tongue along Clarke's closed lips, asking for entrance. The latter eagerly accepting and starting a battle for dominance.

The two were making out in the hallway for quite sometime before they were interrupted yet again by Aden.

"Guys, seriously? Can you wait till the 12 year old leaves the house first?" Aden said while walking past them and down the stairs, carrying his over night bag along with him.

Clarke's cheeked burned red as she stepped away from Lexa. The brunette just shook her head at her little brother and pulled Clarke farther down the hallway. "Ignore my annoying little pest of a brother" Clarke chuckled and followed Lexa all the way down the hall.

They stopped at the last door at the end of the hall. Lexa twisted the knob and pushed the door open. When Clarke walked in she was met with a large room that was simple yet, Lexa. To her left was two doors and to her right was a large flat screen TV set on an entertainment center next to a window. In the middle of the room was a large queen sized bed with simple white covers and blankets. What really made the room Lexa's was the dozens of candles set everywhere. "Mi casa es tu casa" Lexa smiled and sat on her bed.

"This is a nice room, it's very you with all the candles" Lexa chuckled and nodded. Clarke walked around the room and noticed the pictures, meddles, and trophies on the entertainment center. She looked closer and saw pictures of Lexa in boxing, sparring, basketball, softball and playing the drums. Meddles hung around trophies and pictures sat on the shelves. "Wow Lex, I didn't even know you could do all these? You play the drums?!" Clarke asked like a giddy child. Lexa laughed at the girl and stood behind Clarke looking at the pictures.

"Yup I do. Learned when I was about six. Any percussion instrument I can play. The drums are my favorite though. I liked banging on loud things with sticks when I was a kid" Clarke smiled and imagined a little Lexa banging on pots and pans as loud as possible. "You were a noisy kid weren't you?" Lexa laughed at that shaking her head. "Actually no I wasn't, I was pretty serious as a kid. That's why my parents put me in things like boxing and drum lessons. They wanted me to loosen up". Clarke nodded and looked at more of the pictures.

Pictures of Lexa sparing with Lincoln, teaching Aden how to play drums, graduating from High School and even playing basketball. Lexa was athletic her whole life. No wonder she's so fit Clarke thought. Clarke's pulled out of her thoughts when she hears Aden yelling from downstairs.

"LEXA ARE WE GOING OR WHAT? STOP MAKING OUT WITH THE PRETTY BLONDE" Clarke blushed as Lexa let out a sigh.

"IM COMING RIGHT NOW ADEN" Lexa aggressively yelled through the open doorway. "I'm sorry about him, he acts like he's an adult when really he's just AN ANNOYING LITTLE PAIN IN MY ASS" Lexa yelled the last part so Aden could here. Clarke scolded Lexa telling her to be nice to him.

"CAREFUL LEX! DON'T WANT CLARKE TO SEE YOUR COMMANDER SIDE" Aden yelled back. Lexa rolled her eyes and told him to shut up before she drops him off in the middle of nowhere and leaves his scrawny ass. Clarke couldn't help but laugh at the siblings banter. She was curious as to what Aden was talking about when he mentioned Lexa's "commander side".

"What's your commander side?" Clarke questioned. Lexa just shook her head letting out a chuckle and told her she'd tell her later.

Lexa gave Clarke a quick kiss on the lips before walking to the door. "I'll be back in like 5 minutes his friend only lives down the street" Clarke nodded and Lexa walked out the room. Once she heard the two siblings start bickering and finally walk out the door she let out a sigh knowing she was alone.

Clarke took this time to really look around Lexa's room now. Lexa's room was pretty clean. She had this weird desire to look around at Lexa's stuff. Was that weird? Clarke continued looking at the pictures of Lexa growing up. On the bottom shelf Clarke noticed was a photo album with the word Memories written across it. Clarke's picked it up and opened it. She was met with more pictures of Lexa.

 _Lexa's 1st Birthday_ was written in black sharpie at the top. Baby pictures of a newly one year old Lexa were scattered around the page. Lexa eating her cake with frosting all over her face and hands. Another picture of Lexa attempting to open her presents. A large man with a long beard and hair was next to her helping her open them. That must be her dad Clarke thought.

As Clarke kept looking at the pictures of Lexa's birthday she noticed Lincoln wasn't in any of them. Just the same man who Clarke assumed was Lexa's dad. She figured her and Lincoln must not be full brother and sister, maybe half. But Clarke didn't see a mother in any pictures either. Lexa never told her about her family life. I mean she literally just found out Lexa had a little brother. She knew Lexa had a mom since her and Lincoln have talked about her and their dad briefly once.

Other than that Clarke didn't know anything about her parents. It never even dawned on her that Lincoln, Lexa and Aden looked nothing alike. Clarke flipped through the pages more and finally found a pictures of her and Lincoln in there pajamas in front of a Christmas tree. They had to be no older than three and maybe five or six. The two had huge smiles on their faces as they each held their presents. Another picture was of them with their dad in front of the tree and another of a women who Clarke assumed was their mom. The women had short hair and dark skin.

Clarke came to the conclusion that either Lexa and Lincoln were half siblings or they were step siblings. Considering Lincoln or their mom wasn't in any of the pictures of Lexa's first birthday she went with the latter. From the time of the pictures it looks like their parents got together when the siblings were young.

Clarke flipped through more pictures and stopped when she saw the words _New Baby Brother._ Below were pictures of the family meeting a new born Aden. A picture of an 11 year old Lexa holding Aden in her arms while she stared at him made Clarke smile. Another picture was of a 13 year old Lincoln holding Aden and smiling. He was obviously happy to have a little brother. A photo at the bottom was of the two siblings smiling at baby Aden while he was sleeping.

More and more photos were of the family of five. Lincoln, Lexa, and Aden all opening presents together. Clarke reached a page that said The Teenage Years on the top. Below were pictures of a young teenage Lexa. Many of which had her playing sports or an instrument. Even some of her and Lincoln playing basketball or soccer together. Some of a tiny Aden watching or wanting to play with his big siblings. Clarke couldn't help but smile at how cute they all were.

Clarke flipped the page and was met with a page that said _Lexa and Costia_ with hearts around it. A picture of Lexa kissing the other girls cheek while the girl had a big smile on her face was in the middle of the page. Around the picture were smaller pictures of Lexa and the same girl. Kissing, holding hands, cuddling and laughing together. This must be her ex girlfriend, Clarke assumed.

Lexa was probably about 15 or so in the pictures, and the girl looked about the same age. Clarke flipped the page and more pictures of the girl were there. Polaroid pictures of the two girls taken by each other. Some were silly pictures of Lexa eating or glaring at the camera. The two girls were clearly together for a long time since it showed them older and older. There was one picture on the last page that caught Clarke's eye. It was of the girl Costia, a picture she must have taken herself laying on what appeared to be Lexa's bed. She was smiling at the camera with her now sliver hair on display. At the bottom it read _To my Lexy, I love you forever and always- Costia._ With the date 2011 on it. Lexa was 18.

After that picture there were no more. Not of her and Costia, not of anyone. The album stopped there. Clarke flipped through more but all the sleeves were blank. Clarke wondered why Lexa's album stopped there. Just then Clarke was pulled out of her thoughts by a door slamming closed and then someone walking up the stairs. Clarke quickly closed the photo album and put it back on the bottom shelf.

As soon as she put the album back and stood up, Lexa walked into the room holding a large pizza box. "Hey, sorry I took so long I figured you'd be hungry" Lexa put down the pizza box on the bed. Clarke smiled and sat down on the bed, Lexa following suit.

"No you weren't even gone that long, but yeah I was getting a little hungry while you were gone" Clarke said as she opened the box and took a slice of pizza.

"I'm gonna go get us something drink, be right back" Lexa winked and walked out. Clarke blushed at the little flirty gesture. She was a sucker for things like that. Winks, smiles, small innocent kisses. Lexa always did those things, something Bellamy failed to do. He didn't give her small smiles like Lexa always did just to make Clarke smile. He would occasionally kiss her cheek or sometimes her forehead, but not the way Lexa did. He didn't put meaning into it like Lexa did. When Lexa kissed her forehead or cheek it was sweet, it was tender, it was chaste.

It wasn't that Bellamy wasn't affectionate towards her, he would hold her hand and wrap his arm around her shoulders. He liked to call her princess all the time. He could be affectionate when he wanted to be. It was just that, Lexa was different.

Lexa put her all in every little thing she did, and that's what Clarke loved about her. Yes, Clarke loved her, but she hasn't told her yet. Though she so badly wants to, she knows it will make things much more complicated. She wasn't sure where they stood. They hadn't talked about their relationship being anything other than physical. Clarke hoped that their relationship was more to Lexa. She hoped it went beyond the constant sex and sneaking around. She just hoped her feelings were stronger than that. She could only hope.

"Alright I have red or white wine. Preference?" Lexa walked into the room holding up two bottles of wine in each hand. Clarke looked between the two and made a thinking face, thinking hard about her choices. "Come on Clarke we don't got all day" Lexa teased.

Clarke laughed and picked the white wine. "Hmm really? I took you for more of a red wine type of girl" Lexa said while opening the bottle.   
Clarke just shrugged and continued eating her pizza. "Shit, I forgot the glasses" Lexa cursed herself for forgetting the wine glasses that were literally right next to the wine cabinet. Now she would have to go all the way back downstairs.

"You don't have any cups or anything up here?" Clarke question looking around the room. Lexa scrunched up her face.

"Clarke, we're drinking wine not soda" Lexa protested.

Clarke rolled her eyes. Lexa was so high maintenance sometimes. "Lexa we're eating pizza not having steak and Lobster" Lexa just huffed and stood up walking out the room.

Clarke just ate her pizza and waited for Lexa to come back with what she assumed would be wine glasses. She was wrong when the girl came back moments later with a stack of paper cups. Clarke looked at her curiously. "Aden always keeps a stack of cups in his room for when he sneaks soda upstairs" Lexa pulled out two cups and poured them each a cup. She handed Clarke hers which the girl happily took.   
"One more thing" Lexa said while going over to open her dresser drawer and pulling out a Zippo lighter. She quickly lit all the candles around the room and then rushed over and dimmed the lights and closed her door setting the mood. "Perfect"

Clarke looked up at Lexa wondering what this was all for. "One time, you told me how Bellamy never takes you out to fancy dinners alone. You said you guys only go out to dinner when it's with his family or co-workers" Lexa walked closer to Clarke and put her hands in her pockets. "So I figured, I'd take you out to a nice restaurant and treat you to a wonderful dinner. I know the plans changed but, that doesn't mean I still can't treat you to the romantic candle light dinner you deserve. I know it's not steak and lobster or anything but, I figured pizza was a close second" Lexa said while nervously rubbing the back of her neck. She didn't know if this was to much for the blonde.

Clarke was shocked to say the least. She didn't even remember telling Lexa that. Did she really think she deserved all that? To be treated like a princess? It made her heart soar at Lexa's confession. It made her have hope that maybe the other girl really did love her. Clarke got up off the bed and wrapped Lexa in a hug. "Thank you, no ones ever done anything like this for me. This is really romantic I can't believe you remembered I even said that"

Lexa returned the hug but then pulled back to look at Clarke in the eyes. "I need to tell you something" Lexa said as she took a hold of Clarke's hands and sat the girl on the edge of the bed. Lexa then got on her knees in front of Clarke. "Clarke I need you to know something. I need you to know that what we have is one hundred percent real. This is not just sex to me. This is so much more than I can even describe to you. I know we had this silent unspoken agreement to fool around while you were with Bellamy. I tried to follow it, I tried to not get attached or fall in love" Clarke's breath hitched at the word love.

I tried so god damn hard to keep my distance, but I just couldn't Clarke. I couldn't stay away from you. I couldn't let an opportunity to be with someone like you pass me by. I didn't care how I could have you. I didn't care that you had a boyfriend. I didn't care that this could all become messy. All I cared about was you. And I knew that after that first night of being with you that I was gone. It was too late I was in too deep. I knew it was wrong and I knew what would happen, but I did it anyway. I said yes to you. I was willing to take that risk for you. Even if I knew it would break my heart in the end. You were worth it Clarke. Even if you decide that you don't want this anymore, that you want to stay with him. I'll give you that Clarke. I'll let you go. I'll wipe my tears and pretend this was all fun and games to me" Lexa spoke softy but her words were strong.

By now tears were streaming down Clarke's face. "But I need you to know that I love you Clarke. I'm in love with you Clarke Griffin. I'll take you anyway you'll let me have you. If you want to to keep this going I'll be here. If you want to break it off and stay with Bellamy, then that's okay. Yeah it will hurt but I'll respect your decision. I want you to be happy and I just want you to know that I love you and I wanna be with you. You and only you Clarke. I don't want nobody else. I'm saying this because I'm hoping that these last eight months have meant something to you to. I'm hoping you want me the way I want you. I'm hoping you'll see how much better me and you are compared to you and Bellamy. You may be his Princess, but I want you to be _my_ Queen. Lexa's last words were shaky from all the emotions.

Clarke stared down at Lexa looking in those green colored eyes she could just drown in. Every word Lexa spoke made Clarke's heart want to jump out of her chest. Lexa loved her. She wanted to be with her. Clarke felt like she'd never hear those words and she was finally hearing them, and they sounded so beautiful.

"Clarke please say something before I throw up" Lexa swallowed and looked at Clarke waiting for a reply. She hoped she hadn't crossed a line. _Oh god did she cross a line? Did she read everything wrong? Did Clarke not feel the connection? The spark? Oh no. She's such and idiot!_

Clarke finally broke out of her trance and remembered she still hadn't responded to Lexa. She cleared her throat and held Lexa's hands tighter. "Do you really love me?" She squeaked out.

Lexa, who was still holding her breath nodded firmly. "More than anything Clarke" Lexa rasped out. Clarke took her hands out of Lexa's, much to the others girls dismay and panic and placed them on her face. _Oh no is this the part where she tells me she doesn't love me? That this was all just some big experiment or something she needed to get out of her system. Great I'm such and idiot!_

"Hey, get out of your head. You're thinking too hard" Clarke said trying to bring Lexa's wondering mind back. She tilted Lexa's face up more and she leaned forward pressing her lips to Lexa's. The brunette let out a sigh at the contact but was still wary that Clarke hadn't told her she loved her back.

Clarke broke the kiss after awhile and rested her forehead against Lexa's. "I love you too" she whispered not wanting to ruin the moment. Lexa pulled away and looked at Clarke. _Did she hear right? Was she dreaming? Did she go to that stupid made up world Aden always talks about? Was she in the city of light? Aden always said good things happen there._

"You...you what?" Lexa asked dumb founded. Clarke giggled at Lexa's response. "I love you you dork" she repeated. Lexa smiled so bright she was sure it would fall off. Clarke loved her back! She loved Lexa! Clarke Griffin loved Lexa Woods!

"I'm sorry, can you say it again"? Lexa beamed. Clarke smiled and repeated herself.

"I love you"

"One more time"

"I love you Lexa"

"Say it again"

"I'm so so so in love with you Lexa Woods"

"Ok I'm good now. Psssh yeah right I'll never get tired of hearing you say that" Clarke laughed at the older girl. Lexa however reluctantly remembered that they still had some issues to work out. His name was Bellamy. "What about Bellamy Clarke"? Lexa asked hesitantly.

Clarke sighed and ran a hand through her hair. She couldn't avoid this forever. She knew what she wanted, she has for awhile now. She couldn't keep pretending that Bellamy was who she wanted to be with. She wanted Lexa. She wanted everything about Lexa. It was time to stop dragging Bellamy on. It wasn't fair to him or to Lexa. They both deserved better.

"Lexa...if we do this we're all in. Everything is gonna change. If I break up with him to be with you then I'm your one and only. I know that's hypocritical of me to say but this is different. Now we know we both have feelings. This isn't going to be easy Lexa. I love you but I do care about him. He's gonna be hurt and angry and you need to be prepared for him to confront you. Don't get angry don't get violent. We go in there together and we tell him the whole truth, he deserves at least that" Lexa nodded in agreement. She didn't want to hurt the guy but if that's what it took to have Clarke then Lexa would do whatever it takes. Call her selfish but she was in love.

"Okay then, I'm with you Lexa. I'm all in with you. I'm in this if you are. I want to be with you and only you, but remember that we're about to break his heart" Clarke didn't want to hurt Bellamy. At one point she loved him, but she couldn't help but fall out of love with him and fall in love with Lexa.

"Clarke, he already knows. The heart break has already started, now we have to finish it" Clarke nodded. Lexa was right, he was already hurt and now they were about to hurt him even more. She couldn't help it though, she loved Lexa.

"Ok, so I guess we tell him tomorrow then?" Clarke asked.

"Yeah I think that's best. The sooner the better" Lexa agreed.

Clarke let out a sigh. "I wish there was an easier way to do this. I feel bad but, I love you. I wanna be with you". Lexa sat up closer to Clarke brushing her hair out of her face.

"There's no easy way to do this Clarke. If he really loves and cares about you he'll come around" Lexa spoke softly to Clarke. The older girls words comforting her.

Clarke laid back on the bed. "What am I going to do after? Where am I gonna go?" Lexa got up and hovered over Clarke on the bed. "What do you mean"? Lexa questioned.

Clarke looked up at Lexa hovering over her. Hands on either side of Clarke's head. "I mean what am I gonna do once we tell him I'm leaving him for you? I don't want to live there with him anymore. Oh god what am I gonna tell my mom? What am I gonna tell Octavia? She's gonna hate me for hurting her brother" Clarke rambled on panicking.

Lexa raised her eyebrows. Clarke was right, everything was gonna change. This didn't just affect them and Bellamy, it affected everyone. The only people that knew Clarke and Lexa had been fooling around were Raven, Lincoln, and Anya. The people closest to Clarke and Lexa. They didn't plan on anyone finding out. Anya had figured it out first. She tried to get the other girl to keep quiet but when your best friend is dating the girl you're fucking around withs best friend, well things get passed around. Anya let it accidentally slip to Raven that Lexa was screwing Clarke. The two girls wanted to confront them so they went to Lexa's apartment where they knew Clarke and Lexa would be only to find the two in bed together...naked. That was enough conformation for them.

Things got really complicated when Lincoln found out. He saw the two sneaking around together late one night. He assumed the two were just hanging out together but then he saw Clarke kiss Lexa, and then Lexa kissed back and the two were soon making out against Lexa's car. He hoped it was a one time thing but when he asked his sister about it the next day he knew it wasn't. Lexa admitted that it had been going on for some time now. She made Lincoln promise to not tell Bellamy or Octavia. Lincoln was pissed at first, Bellamy was his best friend and Octavia was his girlfriend.

It was a tough situation to put him in and Lexa knew that. She didn't want to make Lincoln lie to Bellamy and Octavia, but Lexa was his sister. One thing their parents always taught them was to look out and protect each other. They were told that family always comes first. So he backed his sister up and kept her secret. Lincoln also knew Lexa had feelings for Clarke, which is why he didn't tell Bellamy or Octavia. That, and he believed that Lexa and Clarke should tell Bellamy himself. It wasn't his place to say anything.

Lexa snapped herself out of her thoughts and placed her left hand on Clarke's face making the frantic girl look her in the eyes. "Clarke, listen to me okay? I don't care what anyone says about us, I wanna be with you. People are going to talk no matter what" Lexa brought her forehead down to Clarke's. "As long as you're mine, I'll go through hell and back with you. I'll take all the heat and I'll be damned if anyone tries to talk shit about you. Let them talk, let them say anything they want to. I've got you and you've got me. That's all I need Clarke. You're all I need" Lexa whispered out.

Clarke tilted Lexa's head up and looked in her green emerald eyes. "You're willing to deal with Bellamy, Octavia and my mom?" Clarke looked at her in disbelief. Lexa was willing to take hate from three people who already didn't like her.

"I'm willing to deal with the whole god damn world if it means I get you in the end" Lexa spoke softly to her. Clarke's eyes darted between Lexa's green ones and found nothing but love and sincerity. She grabbed Lexa's shirt and pulled her down against her lips in a heated kiss. Lexa immediately kissed back and the two quickly got lost in the kiss.

After a couple minutes Lexa pulled back only to be brought back down onto Clarke's lips again. Lexa pulled away once more and created more space between them. "Clarke believe me when I say I want to take you right here right now in my childhood bedroom, but tomorrow we're going to tell Bellamy that for the past eight months we've screwing around behind his back and that you're leaving him for me. I think we should hold off on the sex till we tell him" Clarke looked at Lexa and then sighed. She was right it was probably best they didn't sleep together till everything was settled.

"You're right, we should wait. If we're gonna do this we're gonna do it right" Clarke explained and wrapped her arms around Lexa's neck. "But who's to say I can't wear your shirt and cuddle with you?" Clarke beamed up at Lexa who in return just smiled.

The two got up to undressed and get into their sleep clothes. Lexa in some sleep shorts and a sports bra while Clarke rifled through Lexa's closet looking for an old t-shirt. "Lexa what the hell happened in this closet? There are clothes everywhere!" Lexa laughed from her spot on the bed. "I'm serious it looks like a tornado hit your closet" Clarke said while moving further into the closet trying to find an actual shirt. "Ok Lexa do you have any t-shirts in here at all?!" Lexa groaned and rolled on her back.

"Clarke can you just come lay down please? That closet is a black hole that I haven't cleaned since high school!" Lexa laughed when she heard a gasp come from inside the closet. Clarke was a known clean freak and Lexa didn't start being clean till college, and that was because she had a roommate and had to help clean.

A little more shuffling things around in the closet and Clarke finally found a t-shirt. It was a grey baseball shirt with Trikru written in green letters across the front. When Clarke turned it around to put it on L.Woods was written on the back. This is Lexa's baseball shirt from high school. Clarke immediately pulled the shirt over her head. She was surprised that the shirt fit her loosely and stopped just above her knees

"Okay I finally found a shirt" Clarke beamed as she came walking out the closet and stood at the side of the bed showing Lexa the shirt she was was wearing.

When Lexa looked up to see the shirt she immediately frowned. _That_ shirt. She hadn't seen that shirt in years. She purposely hid it in the back of her closet so she'd never have to see it again. Out of site out of mind. Obviously she didn't hide it very well.

When Clarke saw the frown on Lexa's face she dropped her own smile. "What's wrong? Do you not want me wearing it? I'm sorry I should of asked" Clarke took the shirt off and dropped it on the bed.

Lexa sat up and slowly grabbed the shirt. It was old and wrinkled now with the letters starting to peel off. She hadn't seen this shirt since high school. Since _her_. There was a point in her life where seeing this shirt made her sad, angry, and hurt. Now the once throbbing ache in her heart was no more as she looked at the shirt and felt the rough material.

Clarke's voice brought her out of her thoughts.   
"Lexa, are you okay?" The brunette lifted her head and met Clarke's eyes. She cleared her throat and nodded. "Yeah I'm fine" she answered honestly. She was fine. It no longer hurt to see the shirt that Costia used to wear all the time. When she was younger it hurt like hell. Seeing the shirt was a constant reminder of what she had lost. What she let slip away from her. But now it no longer hurt to see the material. It no longer hurt to hear her name. It no longer hurt to know that she was gone.

"Are you sure Lex, you keep spacing out" Clarke approached her and sat down on the bed next to her. "Wanna tell me what this is about?" She said gesturing to the shirt.

  
Lexa sighed and nodded. She hadn't actually talked about her and Costia's past in years. "This shirt...my ex girlfriend use to wear it all the time". Clarke nodded and put her hand over Lexa's. "Do you want to tell me about her?" Clarke asked.

Lexa looked down at the shirt then to Clarke and then at the floor. "Her name was Costia...she was my first love" Clarke nodded at her encouraging her to continue. "We dated back in high school. Pretty much through all four years. I haven't seen this shirt since...well since she's been gone". Clarke laced their fingers together and ran her thumb across her skin.

"Did she...?"

"No" Lexa shook her head already knowing what Clarke was thinking. "No she's still alive" Lexa slightly chuckled. "You would think by the way I talk about her that she was dead. She just...she did a number on me. It was a long time ago though, I was really young" Lexa said much more confidently now. 

"What happened"

Lexa breathed in a heavy breath and then exhaled. This was a story she didn't really like to tell.

\-----------------------------------------------

_Lexa was sitting on her bed, tears running down her face. She was trying to process what Costia was saying to her. "I don't...I don't understand" Lexa choked out._

_Costia slowly crouched down in front of Lexa and cupped her cheeks in her hands. "Lex, I love you so much I truly do. I'm so sorry I didn't tell you sooner I was going to-_

_"You were going to?!" Lexa shouted and stood up causing Costia to fall from her crouching position on to the floor. "When the fuck were you going to tell me Costia?!" The girl flinched at Lexa's voice. Lexa never shouted at her. She never yelled or raised her voice to Costia. Lexa would lose her temper to everyone else, but never Costia._

_"Lexa, I was originally going to tell you before we became anything serious! I wanted to tell you and I had every intention to, but then..."_

_"But then?!" Lexa snapped at her now agitated._

_Costia wrapped her arms around her knees and looked up at Lexa through her teary eyes. "But then I fell in love with you" she chocked out in a sob. By now the girl was balling her eyes out and rocking herself back and forth on the floor. She wished more than anything that Lexa's arms were wrapped around her. "I'm so sorry Lexa. I love you so much. You're my everything Lexa and I need you to know that" Costia wiped her tears and stood up to be face to face with Lexa. She cautiously took Lexa's hands in hers not sure if the other girl would snap at her again. She mentally sighed when the brunette didn't pull away. "Lexa...I also need you to know that I have to do what's best for me. It's been my dream to go to school in California since I was a little girl. Being a nurse has been a dream of mine since I could remember, and you know that. It's all I talked about when we were kids. I know I said I was going to stay here with you, but the closer we got to graduation the more I realize moving to California is what I want. I got in to Stanford Lex, I actually got in. I'm all set to move and attend in the fall. I have to do this Lexa, for me. If I stay here I know I won't be living my true dream" Costia wiped away the tears on Lexa's cheeks and ran a hand through the girls hair. "Baby please don't cry"._

_Lexa sat down on the bed and Costia sat next to her. "I'm so proud of you Cos, I really am. Can we...can we work this out? I mean, can't we still be together? I can come visit you every month I'll call everyday-_

_"Lexa stop. Please don't make this harder than it has to be" Costia begged._

_Lexa turned so she was facing Costia on the bed. "Cos we can work this out, we can fix this. It's ok we can just...we can still be together just, please, please tell we still have a chance. Tell me it's not to late. I'm willing to do anything I'm willing to make this work" Lexa begged back._

_Costia just shook her head. "Lexa I...I think we should end it-_

_"NO! No you're not going to do this to me Costia! You can't do this to me!" Lexa was on her knees in front of Costia now. "Don't leave me Costia, don't go. You're my everything. With out you I have nothing" Lexa let out a sob._

_Costia shook her and joined Lexa on the floor. She cupped her face and looked into those green eyes that she was sure would haunt her for months once she left. "Don't you dare say that Lexa. You are everything and more. You're so damn smart and I know you're gonna go so far. I need to end this for both of us Lexa. We'll only hold each other back" Lexa shook her head and pulled away from Costia. Costia grabbed her and pulled her back making Lexa look at her. "Yes we will Lexa. We're gonna hold each other back. We're going to be on opposite sides of the country Lexa. Do you really think it's gonna work? Sure for a little while we'll make it work. We'll call everyday and we'll FaceTime every night. We'll say good morning and good night all the time and everything will be great. And then those everyday calls will get smaller and smaller. Everyday turning into every week. The texts will stop the good mornings and good nights will stop. And eventually we won't even know where we stand Lexa. And then one of us is going to meet someone and be too scared to tell the other. I don't want it to come to that Lex. I want you to be happy with whoever you find. Would it hurt? Of course it would. But I'm a big girl and I'll be more happy that you've found someone who can do what I no longer can. I love you Lexa"_

_Lexa looked into Costia's brown eyes. She was feeling so many different emotions. She didn't know how to express anything. All she wanted to do was grab Costia and never let her go. She also wanted to yell and scream at her. So Lexa did the only thing she could express, she grabbed Costia and pulled her in for a heated kiss. Costia tried to pull away knowing Lexa was angry and hurt. Lexa pulled her back and made Costia look in her eyes. "I need this, please at least give me this" Lexa begged. Costia looked into her eyes and knew she couldn't say no, so she nodded to her and allowed Lexa to take her._

_There was nothing slow or romantic about it. It was fast it was hot and it was rough. Costia tried to slow it down when pulling off Lexa's shirt but Lexa wasn't having it. She was angry and she was gonna take what was hers for the last time. "Lexa I think we should slow it down since its our last-_

_"Shut up and let me ravish you one last time" Lexa demanded. Costia mentally rolled her eyes and let Lexa do what she wanted. Lexa pulled Costia up and picked her up making the girl wrap around her. She dropped them down on the bed and tore off Costia's clothes. Costia helped take off Lexa's clothes and clung onto Lexa not wanting to let her go either. The two stayed in bed for hours, Lexa leaving her mark on Costia in every way possible over and over again. Claming Costia and showing her what she'd be missing._

_When it was over Lexa was exhausted and emotional. She cried into Costia's neck and fell asleep with Costia holding her. A few hours later Costia got up leaving the brunette in bed and got dressed. She stared at Lexa the whole time and when she was done dressing she pulled the covers over Lexa's naked body and kissed her forehead. "I love you Lexa and I'm so sorry. Please understand why I'm doing this, I hope one day you find someone worth your time" and with that Costia walked out of Lexa's room and out of her life._

_When Lexa woke up alone she cried all over again. She tried to call and text Costia but the girl never answered. Lexa was shocked and angry to learn that Costia left for California the next day after their night together. She left and didn't even say goodbye. That made Lexa snap. She shut down her heart and blocked everyone out. It only got worse when she found out from Costia's best friend Luna that Costia had already slept with someone else two months into moving to California. Lexa was pissed and hurt. She wanted to get back at Costia and make her feel what she was feeling. The only way she could do that was by getting back at Costia by sleeping with her best friend Luna. Lexa received a call a week later from Costia, the other girl yelling and screaming at her ex for sleeping with her best friend. All Lexa said was "how does it feel to have your heart ripped out" and then hung up on her._

_By then the exes cut each other out of their lives. It even caused a riff between Luna and Costia. That was the start of a new Lexa. A Lexa who slept with whoever she wanted. A Lexa who dropped out of college and and built her own company. Woods enterprises was built and became a huge success to the younger women. Lexa had been on Time and Forbes magazine for being such a young and successful CEO. For Lexa it was a big fuck you to Costia knowing the other girl was living in hell seeing her ex on magazines and TV. A constant reminder. The two spent months fighting and arguing with each other from opposite sides of the country. They were constantly trying to get under each others skin. Costia reached out two years later after leaving and visited Lexa when she was visiting her family. The two agreed to stop being "petty children" as everyone called it and decided on an amicable silence._

_Lexa's heart still felt a dull ache for Costia when she saw her. A ache that eventually went away a few years later. Lexa however still didn't have any serious relationships. She preferred to sleep with the beautiful women that came her way. Lexa had no idea that Costia would be right when she said she hoped Lexa would find someone worthy of her time, because a few years later Lexa was introduced to Clarke. And ever since then Lexa felt something she hadn't felt for years. Love. Only this time it was much stronger compared to the love she felt for Costia when she was 18._

\-----------------------------------------------

When Lexa finished telling Clarke about her past with Costia, Clarke pulled her into a hug. "I'm so sorry she hurt you Lexa" she whispered to in her ear. Lexa smiled at that and pulled away.

"It's okay it was a long time ago" Lexa assured.

"Yeah but how could someone do that? How can you just leave the person you love?" Clarke was having a hard time wrapping her head around the whole thing. How could anyone leave Lexa? Why would you just spend all night loving her and then leave the very next day? She could never do that. She could never leave Lexa now that she knows those feelings are returned.

"Clarke it's okay, she did what she had to do. I was really angry at her for a long time but I'm not anymore. She comes and visits her family every couple of months and sometimes I see her. We're civil now" Lexa explained.

"...you see her?"

"Yeah" Lexa nodded.

"When's the last time you saw her?"

Lexa thought for a moment. "About...maybe five months ago. She came down for her sisters birthday" Clarke nodded.

"Did you talk to her or...?"

Lexa nodded again. "Yeah we talked for a bit at the party" Clarke snapped her head up at that. Lexa went to her sisters party?! And talked to her ex?! "Hey" Lexa gently lifted Clarke's chin so the blonde would look at her. "I see those wheels turning in your head. Relax beautiful, nothing happened. All we did was talk, Clarke" Lexa's voice was calm and gentle. She didn't want Clarke to think that there was any comparison or competition with Costia. Especially when she no longer had any love or even interest in her ex anymore.

"But she's your ex Lexa. You were in a relationship with her, you grew up with her. She was your first love. I saw...I saw the pictures of her in your photo album" Clarke guiltily nodded toward the object.

Lexa looked to where Clarke nodded to and then looked back at Clarke and shrugged. "Clarke it's ok I don't mind you looking through my stuff. Those pictures were taken a long time ago, I was in high school. We were kids Clarke. We started dating when we were like 15 years old. Yes she's my ex, yes she was my first love. But we were young at the time. Will I always care about her? Yes of course I will, but that's it Clarke. She's an acquaintance at most" Lexa explained to her.

"She was beautiful Lexa. I can only imagine what she looks like now" Clarke said in a jealous tone.

Lexa was confused as all hell right now. Did she not just confess her feelings to Clarke like 20 minutes ago?! "Clarke where is this coming from? I just confessed me feelings for you. I literally just opened up my heart and poured my love all over you" Lexa said matter of factly.

"Yeah but that was before you told me about your history with your first love"

"Clarke it doesn't matter. We had a history that I don't like talking about because I was young and immature. At the time it seemed like the end of the world. Everyone has a first love and a story to go along with it. I'm sure you have a first love right? You don't see me getting upset about it" Clarke wanted to roll her eyes. She knew Lexa was right.

Clarke let out a sigh. "You're right I'm sorry. I guess I just got a little insecure once I realized you have this long running history with someone you dated for so many years. My first love only lasted a couple months, and it was puppy love compared to you and Costia" Clarke said while looking down.

Lexa shook her head. "Clarke it was hardly a long running history. We were both bitter and acting childish towards each other. At some point we realized we didn't even have feelings for each other anymore yet we were still arguing" Lexa chuckled at the memory. It really was ridiculous how long they fought and argued with each other. "We laugh about it now" Lexa smiled.

"So you guys have let it all go?"

"Pretty much yeah. We're able to talk to each other and joke around now".

"Do you think you'll ever be friends?" Clarke questioned. She wanted to be prepared for a possible friendship between the two.

Lexa just shrugged. "Maybe, who knows? We barely see each other though I highly doubt we'll be hanging out anytime soon. Now can we stop talking about this and just cuddle? It's been a long night and we need our sleep for tomorrow" Clarke smiled and laid down getting comfortable in Lexa's bed. Lexa turned out the light and joined Clarke in bed climbing in behind her wrapping her arms around the blonde. "Good night Clarke" Lexa pressed a kiss to her head.

"Good night Lexa" Clarke said with a smile. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok I hope you liked it? Let me know what you think. I know there's probably mistakes but it's 2:30 in the morning and I'm exhausted and just wanted to get this chapter out to you guys. Anyways I hope you liked it and I'll try and get started on the next chapter when I wake up in the morning. Bye!!


	4. NOT AN UPDATE! I'M SORRY!

I'm so sorry this isn't a update guys! I've been crazy busy with college and work. I'm a film student so I'm starting my final project and trying to balance that and work. I've been working on the next chapter little by little. I actually got a lot done already and I might just cut it into two different chapters just so I can get one out to you guys. I'm not sure when that will be, possibly next week cause I have to work all weekend :( I won't make any promises cause I'm so busy but hopefully I'll get a chapter out to you guys soon. Thank you guys for all the kudos they defiantly keep me going. If you want to hit me up and know the progress of the story or how long it will be till the next update you can ask me on Twitter @Cynthia_9715 or Tumblr: @Cyn97 I'll most likely respond back sometime that day. Thanks for sticking with me guys!


	5. I don't want to be a murderer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke finally talks with Bellamy and in the after math the two girls still face problems.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY! Sorry for the wait! I've found some time to finally finish a chapter. I decided to just cut one long chapter into two separate ones. Which is why I'm able to get this one out to you guys. I got called into work on my day off so I didn't think I'd get anytime to get chapter 5 to you guys but by some miracle I am. Thanks for being so understanding! I won't bore you anymore! Please enjoy and sorry for any mistakes!

When Lexa and Clarke woke up the next morning it was bitter sweet. The loving and wonderful feeling of waking up in each others arms had the two feeling pleasantly dazed and in love. The feeling of dread soon took over when they realized what was on today's agenda.

Clarke groaned and rolled over snuggling into Lexa's chest. "Can we please just run away? We can go and start a new life somewhere else where we don't have to deal with any of the shit we've caused?" Clarke questioned hoping there was another way out of this mess she's put them in. 

Lexa let out a soft chuckle and kissed the top of Clarke's head. "Sorry beautiful, I wish more than anything that we could just run away from our problems, but that's not gonna make the problem go away". Clarke tilted her head up to look at Lexa who was now looking down at her. 

"Sure it will, if we just leave now nobody will know where we went and then they won't be able to follow us. We'll turn off our phones, change our names and start a whole new life" Clarke spoke matter of factly. She had it all planned out. 

"Clarke we can't just leave our lives and everyone in it behind" Lexa said disapprovingly. 

"Everyone in our lives is gonna hate us once they find out we've been having an eight month long affair" Clarke dead panned.

Lexa sighed. "Well think of it this way, Lincoln, Raven, and Anya have known. Bellamy just found out. That only leaves Octavia and your mom and I'm pretty sure their just going to hate me more than they already do" Lexa was trying to find the bright side for Clarke. She could deal with Abby and Octavia's hate towards her, she just wants them to not hate Clarke when they find out. 

"That's what I mean Lexa" Clarke sat up on the bed and looked down at Lexa was now laying on her side. "I don't want them to hate you or say things about you. This is all my fault I got us into this mess. I should of just broke up with Bellamy the moment I realized I was falling for you" Clarke rubbed her hands over her face and sighed into her hands. Lexa stared at Clarke a little shocked. How could Clarke think Octavia and Abby wouldn't hate her? It was excepted from them. 

"Clarke...you do realize that that is inevitable right? Abby is your mom and Octavia is your best friend and Bellamy's sister. Clarke you and I both know this shit isn't gonna be easy, at all. I knew what I was getting myself into when I said yes to you that night. You can't blame yourself without including me to Clarke. This is both our faults. What's done is done and we can't go back in time. All we can do is go forward" When Clarke lifted up her head Lexa saw the tears running down her face. "Clarke, talk to me" Lexa pleaded. 

Clarke wiped the tears from her eyes and rubber her face. Everything was coming full force now. All those months of cheating on Bellamy and keeping it a secret was finally coming to confront her. She knew eventually she would have to deal with it. She just didn't realize it would be this bad and stressful. She felt like a real shitty person for hurting Bellamy like this, for dragging Lexa into this, for making her best friend keep it a secret, and for Lexa asking her own brother to lie for them. Clarke wasn't thinking about all the people that this would affect when she slept with Lexa. She didn't think about the consequences. All she thought about was how good it felt to be with Lexa. 

Lexa was getting worried now. She could see the wheels turning in Clarke's mind. She knew Clarke was realizing everything that they would have to face now. Lexa leaned over and grabbed Clarke's hand in hers. "Hey, look at me" Lexa sat up so she was face to face with Clarke. Clarke lifted her head up and looked at Lexa. Lexa could tell that Clarke's mind was still reeling. "Let me into that beautiful mind of yours Clarke" Clarke shook her head. 

"Yes, let me help you. Let me share this burden with you. You're not alone Clarke. I'm here" Lexa assured. Clarke pulled her hand out of Lexa's and wiped the tears that continued to fall. 

"I'm so sorry I got you into this mess. This is all my fault I'm so stupid for thinking I could some how get away with this and it wouldn't hurt anybody. God I'm such an idiot" Clarke turned away from Lexa and sat on the edge of the bed and put her head in her hands. 

Lexa quickly got up on her knees and sat behind Clarke. "Hey...please stop this Clarke. This is just as much my fault as it is yours. You are not the only one to blame Clarke. I told you this is my mess to. I agreed to this I knew what I was signing up for" Lexa untucked her legs from under herself and pressed her front to Clarke's back and wrapped herself around the blonde, copying her position from behind. Lexa rested her chin on Clarke's right shoulder. "Please don't think this is just on you baby girl. We share this burden together. I'm with you one hundred percent Clarke. We're gonna go through this together. We did this and now we have to clean up the mess we made" Clarke listened to Lexa's words and laid her body back into Lexa's. 

"You're right. We made the mess together we fix it together" Clarke was ready. She was ready to face what she had done and own up to it.   
This was their mistake and they had to accept the consequences. No matter what. 

Lexa laced their fingers together and held Clarke closer to her body. "No matter what happens, you got me okay? I'm not going anywhere. I'm yours" Clarke sighed at hearing those words. It gave her some relief knowing that no matter what happens, Lexa was here to stay. "You ready?" Clarke nodded. She was ready. 

The two silently got dressed and then went downstairs. Lexa got the keys to her parents car and led Clarke to the garage. Lexa opened the door to her dads Jeep Grand Cherokee and let Clarke in. Once she shut Clarke's door she pressed the button to open the garage door and got in the car. 

The drive there was completely silent. Neither girl saying anything, just staring ahead preparing for what was about to happen. When they made the turn down the road were Clarke's apartment building was Lexa cleared her throat. "Did you ask him if he was gonna be home?" Lexa asked quietly. "It's his day off, he sleeps in late" Clarke simply stated. Lexa just nodded and pulled into the parking lot. When they came to a stop Lexa looked over at Clarke. 

"Do you...do you want me to stay here?" Clarke snapped her head over to Lexa and shook her head quickly. 

"You're gonna leave me alone?" Clarke squeaked out. She didn't want to do this by herself. She needed Lexa.

Lexa nodded her head and sighed. "Clarke, I think maybe you should go in there yourself. I thought it was best if we go in there together but maybe it be best if you just confront him alone" Lexa had thought about it when she woke up in the middle of the night. Was it really the best idea to go confront the guy who's girlfriend you'd been sleeping with for months and tell him she was leaving him to be with her? That sentence gave her a headache just thinking about it. She figured it be best if they talked to him separately. They both needed to apologize and it probably wasn't the best idea to do it while they were all in the same room. 

"I thought the whole point of this was to tell him together" Clarke stated matter of factly.

"I think it's better if we talk to him separately. It's already a lot to tell him in one day. So I think you should go in there first and tell him and then I'll talk to him after and...say what I gotta say. I have to apologize" Clarke just nodded. 

"Okay, okay that's fine. I'll tell him everything and then you can come and apologize after?" Clarke questioned.

"Yeah...do you think that's too much to tell a person in one go? Maybe I should give him a few days to cool off and then talk to him" Lexa suggested. 

Clarke shook her head. "No, trust me I know him. Yesterday he was ready to confront you when you pulled up. After I tell him everything he's gonna want to defiantly talk to you".

"And by that you mean kill me" Lexa dead panned. Clarke chucked at that and shook her head.

"If I can keep him calm and level headed then hopefully he won't run out here trying to kill you" Clarke joked. 

"Clarke, you're about to tell him you've been cheating on him for eight months with me, and that you're leaving him for me. I don't think he's going to be calm or level headed and I understand that. I'd be ready to kill me to" Lexa knew once she talked to Bellamy that he would blow up on her. It was inevitable. She knew that and she was ready for it. Whatever he had to say and whatever he wanted to do to show his anger Lexa would deal with it. He had every right to be pissed. 

Clarke nodded and agreed with Lexa. She was right, this was gonna be hard and painful but it had to be done. This relationship had been over for months and now it was time she actually ended it and fessed up to what she had done.   
"Alright, I guess I'll go up then" Clarke leaned over the center console and kissed Lexa. "If he's willing to talk I'll text you to come up okay?" Lexa nodded and gave her a small smile. 

With that, Clarke got out of the car and headed into the building. She rode the elevator up to their floor and walked down the hall stopping in front of their door. She took out her keys and and slowly opened the door. When she entered it was quiet other than the TV that was playing. She looked at the kitchen counter and noticed a box of cereal and a slight mess of food and dishes on the table. Meaning Bellamy had been up already. "Bellamy!" She called out. 

She set her purse and keys on the counter and was about to walk toward the bedroom when at that moment, Bellamy walked out. His hair was messy and he looked like he hadn't slept all night. He hadn't. He fixed a glare when he saw it was Clarke. "Back from your girlfriends already" He snarled, his voice laced with jealousy and anger. 

Clarke let out a sigh and ran a hand through her hair. "I think we need to talk" She stated.

Bellamy scoffed and walked over to the refrigerator and grabbed the milk carton jug out. He twisted off the cap and drank it straight from the container. Knowing how much Clarke hated that. 

Clarke cringed but ultimately shrugged it off. She wasn't about to complain about what he'd just done considering all that she's done to him. "Bell, please just sit down. We need to talk" Bellamy shook his head and threw the milk back in the fridge slamming the door shut. 

"I don't want to hear anything you have to say Clarke. Everything that comes out of your mouth is bullshit anyway" Clarke put her head down in shame. He was right. "Do you even know what's it like to watch you leave all those nights? To watch you get ready and look good, FOR SOMEONE ELSE! It tears me apart watching you walk out that door. It kills me inside knowing you leave me to go be with her! 

Clarke kept her head down and just silently nodded. She didn't have to look at him to know how much pain she had caused him. She already knew by the sound in his voice that he was hurting. 

Bellamy paced around the room and ran his hands over his face countless times. He didn't want to break up with Clarke. He didn't want to say goodbye to the best and longest relationship he's ever had. I mean it was Clarke.  
How could he break up with someone who he thought was so god damn perfect. A perfect beautiful women who has been cheating on him for months. How could such a perfect women do such a hellish thing. 

 

"I don't get it Clarke. I don't understand. Why her? Why ruin what we have all for one girl. A girl who you had only known for a short amount of time before you jumped into bed with her!" 

"Bellamy, I came here to talk not to argue" Clarke tried to defuse the situation before it got worse. 

"Oh really you came here to talk? Well please Clarke by all means! Tell me why you really came here to talk!" He shouted.

Clarke sighed and looked him in the eyes.  
"Bell I care so much about you, you know that right?" 

Bellamy shook his head trying blink back the tears. He knew what was coming next. "Don't Clarke, don't you dare say those next words". 

Clarke walked over to Bellamy and pulled his face to her but he just pushed her hands away. "Don't touch me! You've been with her all night!". Clarke rolled her eyes and kept the small distance between them. 

"Bellamy please listen to me" Clarke begged. "I care so much about you- 

"Yeah just not as much as you care about Lexa right?" Bellamy interrupted.

"It's not about who I care about more! It's about-

"Who you want to be with which is clearly Lexa right" Bellamy interrupted again.

"Can you shut the hell up and let me fucking talk!" Clarke shouted.

"No! No I can't Clarke, you wanna know why?! Because I know why you're here! I know what you're going to say to me!" By this point Bellamy was now crying. Each word he spoke was choked out. Each word more painful than the last. 

Clarke softened her eyes at him. She didn't want to hurt him. She never wanted to hurt anyone, but it was inevitable. That's what happens when you fall in love with someone else and fall out of love with the person your with. 

"Bellamy...I'm so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you or break your heart...".

Bellamy wiped his eyes and fixed a cold glare towards her. "Yeah well you did" he spat.

"I know" Clarke whispered out. "I couldn't help it Bell, I tried to fight it. I couldn't help falling in love with her. It's not like I set out to go and have an affair or something. I knew it was wrong I just- 

"You didn't care" Bellamy interrupted her again. This time he didn't speak with anger or malice in his voice. This time he spoke softly. 

Clarke shook head. "That's not what I was going to say. I did care Bellamy, I felt guilty after" Clarke tried.

"Just not guilty enough to stop" It wasn't a question. He knew Clarke well enough to know that she was feeling guilty. He also knew that Clarke wasn't going to stop what she was doing with Lexa just because she felt guilty. 

Clarke sat down on the couch in back of them and Bellamy sat next to her. "I know I keep saying this, but I'm really sorry for how this happened. You deserve a girl who can give you her all, give you what I couldn't" Bellamy grabbed the couch cushion beneath them and gripped it till his knuckles turned white. 

"So you're really gonna do this to me? To us? You're going to throw away two years together? For what Clarke? For her? For a girl who had no problem messing with a taken women?! I know her kind. She thinks she can have whoever she wants. She thinks she's the greatest thing to walk this damn earth! And that, that's what you're going to leave me for? You're going to break up with me for some girl who will just end up leaving you once she gets bored! She will always put herself first! You should stay with the person who has been there for you since we were kids!" Bellamy tried to stress what he was feeling to Clarke, but it was no use. Clarke was too far gone in his mind. She was in Lexa Land.

The blonde shook her head at his every word. "No, you're wrong. She wouldn't leave me, she loves me" Clarke stated. 

"Oh, oh she loves you?! Really?! That's what she told you last night when she was FUCKING YOU ALL NIGHT RIGHT?!" Clarke flinched as he yelled at her. She watched him get up and start pacing in front of her. 

Clarke tried to stay calm and collect her thoughts to say what she wanted to say. "Bellamy we didn't do anything last night. She didn't want to- 

"Oh that's wonderful Clarke it really is! Now Lexa's a fucking saint because she didn't fuck you last night like you wanted! It's already starting!" He laughed bitterly at his last words. 

"Bellamy please I know you're angry but there's no point in arguing anymore. It's done and over with now" Clarke got up and faced his still pacing figure. 

"Bullshit it is! I'm not done here Clarke! YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME AND THROW AWAY EVERYTHING WE HAVE!" He was screaming so loud Clarke was sure someone would call the cops on them. 

"Bellamy please stop you're going to get us a noise complaint!" 

"GOOD! I hope I do! Cause I want EVERYONE TO KNOW WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO ME! LET THE WHOLE FUCKING BUILDING KNOW WHAT A SLUT YOU ARE!" Clarke was stunned at his words. She didn't know whether to cry or slap him across the face. She didn't have to do either because two seconds after the words left Bellamy's mouth the front door opened. 

Both Clarke and Bellamy snapped their heads to the door were a very angry looking Lexa was now charging at Bellamy. Clarke didn't even have to time to react to anything before Lexa was pushing Bellamy against the wall and grabbing onto his shirt.

"If I ever hear those words coming out of your mouth again I promise they will be the last words you ever say" Lexa said through gritted teeth. She was seething. She didn't care if he meant it or not. Nobody was ever going to talk about Clarke like that. Bellamy looked her in the eyes and immediately regretted his words. He was far too intimated by Lexa to feel anything other than guilt. He wasn't going to back down though. 

"You have a hell of a nerve coming into my apartment and threatening me" Bellamy was a little afraid but he'd never admit it. 

Lexa scoffed at his words. "I have a hell of a nerve? You have a hell of nerve even speaking after what you just said about her!" Lexa gripped his shirt tighter and pushed his body harder into the wall. 

"You talk a lot of shit for someone who likes to take from other people! She was mine! Everything was fine before you came and ruined it! Is that what you do Lexa? You go and ruin people's lives by taking what they love? You just go and take whatever you want because you can right? You're a piece of shit!"   
Lexa pulled him off the wall just to slam his body back into it. 

"First off Clarke is not a prize! She's a person! She has feelings and makes her own decisions! And secondly I didn't steal anything from you Bellamy! Hate to break it to you asshole but Clarke loves me! Whether you like it or not we love each other!" At hearing Lexa's words Clarke finally snapped out of it and walked up behind Lexa. 

"Let him go Lex" Clarke said while placing her hand on her shoulder. At feeling Clarke's soft hand on her Lexa tears her eyes from Bellamy to look at Clarke. Seeing the plead in Clarke's eyes Lexa looks back to Bellamy and let's go of him then steps back. 

Bellamy let's out a cold chuckle. "Wow Clarke's really got you on a leash doesn't she? I thought it was the other way around" Lexa lunged for him again but Clarke pulls her back. 

"Bellamy stop. It's over. Please just accept that what we had is over with!" Clarke begs.

"You want me to just let this all go Clarke? Let go the fact that you've been cheating on me for five months?!" Lexa and Clarke both stay quiet after he says that. Neither wanting to admit that it was actually eight months. Noticing their silence Bellamys eyes widen in realization. "It wasn't just five months was it" He demands more than questions.

When neither girl respond he gets angrier. "SOMEONE AMSWER ME!" Clarke flinches at his voice while Lexa just shakes her head and takes notice of Clarke's discomfort. This was their battle together so she may as well answer him. 

"No...it wasn't" Lexa said calmly. 

Bellamy shook his head in disbelief. If he didn't feel like a fool before he certainly did now. "How long" he rasped out. 

Lexa looked up to the suddenly very interesting ceiling and shrugged her shoulders. "About eight months" Bellamy scoffed and turned around putting his hands in his head. 

"Eight months?! Eight fucking months!" He turned and looked at Lexa. "I guess I really am a fucking fool huh? Gotta hand it to you, you've been fucking my girlfriend for eight months and here I was pretending like I didn't know for five of them! Congratulations Lexa, you got what you wanted!" He gestured toward Clarke. 

Lexa shook her head. "I didn't want her like this Bellamy. I shouldn't have pursued her like this. Once shit happened there was no stopping it. I know my words don't mean anything to you but we're sorry for this Bellamy. We did wrong and we know that, but that's no reason to call her names. Call me whatever you want but don't tarnish her name like that" Bellamy took a moment to look between the two and hated to admit it to himself, but he saw the love between them. Which hurt him like hell because now it was real. He lost Clarke. Although he wondered if he ever really had her. 

Clarke took a step forward and put her hand on his forearm. "Bellamy, look at me" Bellamy forced his eyes to hers and slumped his shoulders as he looked into those blue eyes he loved so much. "Don't think I regret any moment of those two years, cause I don't. The only thing I regret is how much I've hurt you over these past few months. I should have ended it when I realized I didn't love you anymore. That was my bad, but it's over Bell, and honestly you and I both know it wasn't gonna last forever. We don't belong together. We've changed a lot over the past year. Even if Lexa never came into the picture, it would have ended eventually and you know that" Bellamy looked away for a moment and then back into her eyes.

"Is this what you really want Clarke?" His voice was softer and much calmer than before. Clarke nodded and looked him straight in the eye letting him know it was over. He nodded to himself and slowly took her hand off his arm. "Alright then. You want it, you got it princess. It's over" Clarke nodded again and stepped back. "Now please just..." Bellamy looked between them once more and sighed. "Just get out" Clarke and Lexa both looked at him and then walked out shutting the door behind them. 

The two walked out the apartment building and into the car in complete silence. They sat there, both trying to process everything. When it had been a few minutes before either said anything Lexa finally spoke up. "So, are you ok? I know that was a lot to take in. Also, sorry for barging in. I heard you guys yelling and decided I'd go up there and make sure things didn't get out of hand. I stood outside the door which is how I heard what he said" Clarke nodded and looked at Lexa.

"Thank you for sticking up for me. I know I've dragged you into this whole shit storm and you didn't sign up for this" Clarke said while putting her seat belt on. 

Lexa turned in her seat and faced Clarke. Gently, she grabbed Clarke's chin towards her.

"Hey, I knew exactly what I was doing Clarke. What's it gonna take for you to get that through your beautiful mind?" Clarke smiled shyly and leaned into Lexa's touch.

"I guess I just feel guilty for everything we've done. I don't know when the guilt will go away" Lexa nodded her head in understanding. 

"It's not gonna go away over night. We're human Clarke, it's natural for us to feel guilty when we've done something wrong. That's our sub conscious's way of telling us we did something we shouldn't have and we should feel guilty about it. We did our part Clarke" Clarke leaned over and engulfed Lexa in a hug. Her wise words always made her feel better. 

"You're the best you know that?" Lexa chuckled.

"Yeah I'm pretty great aren't I" Clarke let go of Lexa and smacked her playfully. 

"Let's go Lexa The Great. I'm hungry" Clarke whined.

Lexa started the car and headed to their favorite diner. On the way there Clarke turned off her phone and asked Lexa if she could do the same to hers. Clarke knew word would be getting around soon which means she'd have an angry Octavia to deal with and Clarke could only deal with so many siblings in one day. She honesty just wanted to spend the day with Lexa and no one else. Dealing with Octavia was something she'd save for later. 

Lexa pulled into the parking lot of their favorite diner and Clarke eagerly got out. "Hey you go get us a booth I wanna call Aden and make sure he's gonna be alright at his friends house this weekend" Lexa said while pulling her phone out.

"Okay" Clarke smiled and walked inside.

Lexa clicked on Aden's name and waited for him to pick up. "Hey Lex" came the soft voice from the other side of the phone. The two talked for about five minutes, Lexa just wanting to know where he was gonna be for the weekend and letting him know she had some stuff to take care of so she wasn't gonna be back at the house. Aden understand knowing his sister was a busy person. 

When the two siblings hung up Lexa debated on if she should give her other sibling a call and give him a heads up. She knew that once Octavia finds out, there will be a chance she'll ask Lincoln if he knew anything. Just for the simple fact that Lexa is his sister and she knows the two siblings tell each other everything. She didn't want Octavia to find out and grill him on the matter, but it was probably inevitable. Especially since Octavia knew Lexa was into Clarke. And Lexa also knew Octavia didn't like her very much because of her interest in Clarke. 

Finally making her decision Lexa clicked on her brothers name and waited for him to pick up. "Hey Lex" Lincoln answered. Lexa sighed and wiped her face. 

"Hey Linc, I gotta tell you something" Even though she couldn't see him, Lexa knew her brother was already panicking. 

"What happened? Is everything okay? Are you okay? Is Aden alright? What about mom and dad?" The questions all came out at once. If Lexa wasn't so nervous and guilty of the news she had she would have laughed. 

"No, yeah everyone's fine don't worry".

"Then what's wrong?" Lexa let out another sigh. She's been doing that a lot lately. Out of stress, guilt and nervousness. However Lexa pulled herself together and answered her brothers question. The dreaded answer she knew would come out one day eventually. 

"Bellamy knows"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright don't hate me please I'm sorry. Like I said, I cut this chapter into two so I had to find a stopping point. This chapter had enough drama in it. I hope you liked it let me know what you think. I know Bellamys an asshole but maybe I'll turn him into a good guy. Or maybe I won't, who knows. ANYWAYS thanks for the feedback guys I always appreciate your comments. If you want to know the progress of the story or just have any questions hit me up on Twitter @Cynthia_9715 or Tumblr: Cyn97 OR if you really wanna get fancy you can also follow me on Instagram: lgbtfangirl Thanks guys :)


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